better together

There is no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
And no song that I could sing, but I can try for your heart
Our dreams, and they are made out of real things
Like a shoebox of photographs with sepia tone loving

Love is the answer
At least for most of the questions in my heart
Why are we here and where do we go
And how come it's so hard
It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing
It's always better when we're together

Mmm, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, we'll look at the stars when we're together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together

And all of these moments just might find a way into my dreams tonight
But I know that they'll be gone when the morning light sings
Or brings new things for tomorrow night you see
That they'll be gone too, too many things I have to do
But if all of these dreams might find their way into my day to day scene
I'd be under the impression I was somewhere in between
With only two, just me and you, not so many things we got to do
Or places we got to be, we'll sit beneath the mango tree now

Yeah, it's always better when we're together
Mmm, we're somewhere in between together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together

I believe in memories, they look so, so pretty when I sleep
And when I wake up, you look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time
And there is no, no song I could sing
And there is no combination of words I could say
But I will still tell you one thing
We're better together

better together by jack johnson (the new mraz?)

grow old with who

On the way to work this morning, I noticed an old lady standing alone on the mrt. When the train was approaching city hall, she started squeezing her way against the crowd toward the other door (that wasn’t opening). Thinking she was going to exit, heading for the wrong one, I was about to tap her shoulder to alert her when I realised she was going toward another aged man, sitting at the other side. She called out across the heads – “next stop, we are getting off at the next stop”.

It’s a small, probably common occurrence, but the incident triggered a string of thoughts. Assuming that man was her husband, I realised the marriage partnership evolves in your winter years to simply companionship.

Unlike the flirty teenage couples, the loveydovey look-into-each-others-eyes bf/gf, the tired out, frazzled mom & dad with kids in toll (all egs of couples ive observed on mrt rides – material for another post if I get to it :)), the elderly couple needn’t sit tog, hold hands, be in constant touch, conversation. Neither are they annoyed or busying with the pram, the crying & trying baby. They are beyond insecurities & affirmation, attraction & flirtation. They are old friends, tried & tested partners that look out for each other, in familiarity, in practicality.

After youth & beauty fades, after the arrival & departure of kids, after the ups & down ins & outs, after the seasons of life have run their course & played their scenes, what you are left with & treasure in your withering years is simple, practical, caring companionship.

I imagine it isn't always exciting living with the same person day in & out. Its one of those things I worry abt marriage - what if you get bored of each other? :S I recently asked my friend if she ever gets bored with her hubby. Im sure you run out of things to say to each other, to talk about... rite? She said sth like Yah but its okay, you sleep, you wake up & you have new things & experiences to share & talk about. Its life. Yah, its life. Mundaneness & monotony are a part of life, just as thrills & excitement are a part of life. So it is the case in marriage.

I’m sure marriage in the later years isnt as sterile as I’ve described. There must be a lot of (preferably spoken) endearment, affection too. Afterall, this is one person who knows you like no other, who has shared & experienced, loves & adores the same people, experiences you do. There’s little need for explanation... you're comfortable in silence, in speech. Years of compromise has trained you to give & take at the right times & places.

Or maybe that’s just what I imagine growing old with someone would be like.

Adam Sandler’s song fluttered to mind

I wanna make you smile whenever you’re sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you

I’ll get your medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you

I’ll miss you, kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold
I’ll need you, feed you
Even let you hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed if you’ve had too much to drink
I could be the (wo)man who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you

I too want that someone to grow old with. I just don’t know what he looks like yet.

new skin! NOT. im back to the old

hey peeps, decided to change back to bright pink as much as it'd hurt your eyes. sorry lar, this tech dumbo really cant figure out despite hints from pple [thanks quop - tried but didnt work :( ]

hopefully in time i can find sth more stable &/or ill up my html skills enough to work magic :) meanwhile, just bear with it k? ;) hee

________________________

think ill take a poll - pls vote via comments for either
A. current messybutvictorianpretty MAROON skin or
B. original inyourface PINK

dont tell me neither! if its neither, dont bother voting haha THANKS :)
_________________________

i just spent 3hrs searching for & changing my blogskin & still its not perfect (hate comments & profile boxes) but ill try to fix it another time. after painstakingly adjusting the alignments & some font sizes, this is decent enough. ill test this out for a few days, if it gets too messy ill switch back to inyourface pink!

one other prob - my previous entries were all mostly in purple which is unreadable against the maroon. cant imagine changing each of the 60 entries manually tho! ahhhh, problem for another day.

for now, im sufficiently satisfied. love the detailing... aint it pretty? :):):)

ps: just checked it out in IE - super screwy! only ok in firefox. bleah... ok this will be temporary then :{

encounter with a good man

this is a true account of a very honest taxi driver that me & ACG encountered a couple of nights ago. here is ACG’s letter of commendation to the taxi company (posted with her permission) – im too lazy to narrate so here it is with most details changed for confidentiality's sake.

Dear Sir/Madam

I am writing to commend Comfort driver Mr Neo, of taxi number SH---- for his honesty, and his exceptional actions tonight in going far beyond the call of duty for me, his grateful passenger.

Earlier this evening, I hailed Mr Neo's taxi from XXX to PS. En route, I picked up my friend at CT. We alighted at PS at around 7.15pm. Unbeknownst to me, I had dropped my handphone in the back of Mr Neo's taxi. Mr Neo evidently discovered the phone, and immediately honked his horn twice and waved with a newspaper to get my attention. However, I misunderstood him to be asking me if the newspaper was mine, and shaked my head, motioning to say that it was not mine. Mr Neo then eventually drove off.

Subsequently, I discovered the loss of my phone. My friend and I immediately used her phone to call my phone. Mr Neo picked up, identified himself, and told me he would find a way to return the phone to me. He explained that he would call me back as he was presently driving. True to his word, he then called another two
times to arrange with me where to meet to pass me his phone. I gave him my address, some distance away at XXX, and told him I would only be home in 40 minutes' time. Mr Neo told me that he would allow me some time to make my way home, and would wait for me outside my house to pass me the phone. Throughout this, he took pains to assure me that my phone was safe, and also gave me his taxi number.

When I came home at 10.30pm, I found Mr Neo waiting patiently outside my house. My father had come out of the house, spoken to Mr Neo and verified that the phone was mine before I got home. However Mr Neo insisted on staying until I returned so he could be sure the phone was safe with its owner. Mr Neo showed no signs of impatience at having been put out of his way, or at having waited for me. He earnestly refused to take any token of appreciation or compensation for his mileage, and insisted that all he wanted to see was the phone being returned to its rightful owner.

This incident has left me very impressed with Mr Neo's honesty. Even more remarkable were is exceptional and tireless efforts over a period of more than three hours to try and return the phone safely to me, despite the considerable inconvenience to himself.

I am writing in some detail to bring this to your attention, in the hopes that Mr Neo may receive the recognition he so richly deserves. Should more details of tonight's incident be required to register formal commendation or reward for Mr Neo, do feel free to contact me at the telephone number below.

These days with much debate on the lack of good service in Singapore, people like Mr Neo prove that service with pride, care and integrity, is very much alive. He is an inspiration to us all.

Yours truly
Ms Delighted-whose-handphone-was-lost-but-now-is-found (aka ACG)

We both think that Mr Neo is a remarkably kind & honest man. He didn’t take any tips nor want recognition for his efforts & time. So sweet right this uncle? Amidst the bad stories of dishonesty & bad service, here is a testimony that is both surprising and heart-warming.

downtime update

an update folks :)

thanks lots for caring & praying. really appreciate your smses & msgs - you dont know how comforting it was to me. thankfully, the issue that was troubling my dad (& overwhelming me) was not as bad as i imagined and things are resolvable. even in my spate of panic, God was really good in bringing to mind thanksgiving, blessings re the situation, showing me how things cld be alot worse but arent.

im also very grateful that God helped us to maintain harmony through all of this, that we were able to communicate openly & kindly... displaying much love & patience with each other. if you know our history, youd know this is ntg short of the God's amazing work :) He deserves all the glory for the transformation in my family. He's awesome!

wld appreciate continued prayers as we work out finer details of the resolution... that we will continue to be loving in our words & actions & rely on Him for all.


heres a pic of daddy & me while waiting yest. i love my daddy very muchie.

nasty secret dating & related thoughts

We all know how the internet teems with negative, tempting messages – the constant pop-ups, distracting images & words. Mostly prying on our desire for intimacy, mostly offering invalid, sinful alternatives that are irrelevant to us, His people.

I usually ignore & close away this nonsense. But while chatting online today (yah, they even have ads under instant msging boxes rite – every possible mode of bombardment has to be capitalised upon), this caught my eye.

Married Dating

Discreet dating for married people. Free sign up! MarriedS******.com is specifically designed for married people and singles looking for married people.

Unbelievable. What’s wrong with these people? There are now even advertisements to get married people to commit adultery?! Simply atrocious. I just can’t believe how blatant this is. ‘Married Dating’ in itself is an ironic phrase that would be unheard of or acceptable in the past. But now its plastered online, enticing married people out of their vows, providing an easy alternative out of the hardwork of marriage.

Convenient, free & specifically designed are its selling points. Discreet is another. Why bother being discreet if you are planning to trample on those promises anyway? Why would you be afraid of upsetting your spouse with the knowledge if you don’t already mind hurting him/her by fooling around? Ignorance is bliss? There is simply no logic.

‘Married people and singles looking for married people’. Why would you intentionally look to date a married person?? For excitement? For the thrill of doing something wrong? For the ease, lack of commitment? All probable but inexcusable reasons.

Guess its just another indication that the world we live in is truly warped & fallen. Very sad and very annoying at the same time. Perhaps this is what it means in Revelation to find comfort that God’s justice, righteousness will overcome in the end.

I struggled some with portions of Revelation (eg Rev 18:20) & Isaiah (cant find the ref!) where it talks about/calls on God’s people to rejoice at the judgment of God. I always felt rejoicing abt salvation was easy enough but found it hard to rejoice at the judgment of God against the evildoers cos it just felt… hypocritical. I was once of that kingdom, in that place, I have no right feeling happy that they will be punished since I could have been just like them. My DG’s explanation in our revelation studies helped abit in reconciling the two…

Its a sense of vindication, rejoicing that God’s ultimate reign, His righteousness will be reinstated over all creation. Rejoicing that His justice will be upheld, that all will be made right, be the way it was always meant to be. The world as it is now, the sinful ways of men, our own sinful inclinations as believers will be done away with & punished. Only difference is we don’t have to suffer the punishment ourselves cos we have Christ as Saviour.

So it isnt so much about rejoicing, gloating over the punishment due to fellow sinners or people who hurt, malign, martyr us. Its more rejoicing that God’s way will be upheld & His justice will be ultimately restored. Rejoicing as His people that those rebellious against Him will be dealt with, rejoicing for His glory. Its like rejoicing for your side, your team, your King that He wins overall.

Still, I have mixed feelings on this. On one hand I feel indignant when I see atrocious stuff like married dating being advertised, knowing more marriages will be broken because of nonsense like this. Hence looking forward to a time where all self-indulgent, bad living will be punished & eliminated. On the other hand, I feel sad & slightly hypocritical cos im not perfect myself & if not for His grace, I could be just as guilty of a compromising lifestyle. Even as a believer, I continue to struggle with sin frequently. Im in no better place to judge…

So, what does righteous anger look like? Is there a contradiction?

The words of the last 2 chapters of Revelation are comforting to me. Was deeply moved by the scene of heaven, the wonder & rest that is in store. And especially this part:

"Behold, I am coming soon! My reward is with me, and I will give to everyone according to what he has done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End.

"Blessed are those who wash their robes, that they may have the right to the tree of life and may go through the gates into the city. Outside are the dogs, those who practice magic arts, the sexually immoral, the murderers, the idolaters and everyone who loves and practices falsehood.

I, Jesus, have sent my angel to give you this testimony for the churches. I am the Root and the Offspring of David, and the bright Morning Star."

The Spirit and the bride say, "Come!" And let him who hears say, "Come!" Whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life.

In the light of the mess that surrounds us, I really bid Him come.

downtime

Its not been a very good morning at all. The funny stuff I had thought of blogging about abruptly faded in significance - my heart is heavy :( Ask for your prayers for my dad & I. Pray for patience, understanding, honesty and an acute dependence on Him. Pls pray that both of us would not allow the issue at hand to divide us, to recognise His sovereignty & power to sustain us. Pray that God will grant me wisdom to say & act in a way that’s loving yet helpful in alleviating the situation. Feel pretty overwhelmed right now yet reminded that He is faithful & true. I can surely count on that.

Its in the troubles of life that our reliance on Him grows & the hope of heaven shines brighter, comforts deeper.

a favourite downtime song comes to mind.

God never moves without purpose or plan
When trying His servants and molding a man
Give thanks to the Lord
Though your testing seems long
In darkness, He giveth a song

O rejoice in the Lord
He makes no mistake
He knoweth the end of each path that I take
For when I am tried & purified
I shall come forth as gold

I could not see through the shadows ahead
So I looked to the cross of my Saviour instead
I bowed to the will of my Master that day
And peace came & tears fled away

Now I can see testing comes from above
God strengthens His children & purges with love
My Father knows best & I trust in His care
Through purging, more fruit I will bear

Thanks for praying.

oh buble?

i really hate to have another rave entry in such quick succession (ref the one abt guitar boy) but michael buble's concert deserve mention alright. ok if you know me, you'd know im quite the jazz fan. not so much blues, swing kinda jazz, but more bossa nova (mind games, lisa ono, gilberto), mainstream (frank sinatra, laura fygi, diana krall, stacey kent) and some airy-fairy types (lisa ekdahl & silje nergaard, mainly). michael buble wld be mainstream & i like him mostly cos he has a gorgeous voice & the covers he does are really something. BUT i wasn't a huge fan at all prior to last night - i only had ONE cd which wasnt played over like the others (only played through like twice?). some say he's over-commercialized & to an extent i agree, but it doesnt negate his talent. so i attended the concert fairly (not overly) excited as i always am when watching a live performance. 1.5hrs, some 20 songs & a couple of encores later - i have to say, he is amazing. he is thoroughly charismatic, charming & funny - a great performer with & without the music! he engaged the crowd right from the start with his wisecracks & cheeky jokes. told us we cld partake in flash photography anytime we wanted & striked silly poses along with that. he also did really brilliant impersonation of MJ with billy jean & rocked out maroon 5's this love - the crowd went absolutely crazy. i had no idea he was this cool! but what took the cake was his midway (undoubtedly planned) dash from the stage all the way through the crowds... well, in typical starstruck fashion, i clamoured to the aisle like all the other 1000 ladies there who were reaching out, shaking hands, hugging, pecking his cheek. i had my flip phone ready for a shot of him coming back down the aisle (which i took - bad one cos he was still tiny then! too far off) & as he drew closer, guess what? yours truly got a HUG from mr buble himself! yes, little ol' me! okay for the record, i did NOT kiss or do anything more than a friendly fan-performer hug. i know, someone already threatened to report me to pastor Chris, but honest to goodness, it was all very innocent :) of cos you can only imagine my delirium as i sat back down. hehe, super happy & cldnt believe it happened. yah i know, very ditsy lar. anyhow, back to the main story. buble really delivered both in substance & form. his singing, accompanied by a very capable band, was impeccable. yes the 12-pc band was fantastic - precision is what ill call it. there were too many faves to count, but i especially enjoyed smile, i've got you under my skin, you don't know me & that's all. sweetness i tell you. overall, it was his rehearsed spontaneity, charm & voice that made the evening a truly memorable experience. yes, even without the hug, my friends were all raving post-concert via smses & otherwise. so im not biased okay :) and dont worry - i did bathe. it was only a hug & he is but mere man ;) ___________________ on further reflection, here's stuff to consider. standing in the midst of the clapping, cheering, whistling, screaming it did strike me that humans are really strange. on the stage is this man (of flesh & blood like us), we hardly know (nothing of his character, likes/dislikes - for me, i didnt even know which ctry he was from!) & there we were exalting & applauding him with all of our lungs & heart like there was no tomorrow - totally in awe. we cld be awestruck to the pt we wld want "a piece of him" as it were - the hug, photo, drenched towel (?! yes he threw a couple into the crowd. ewww). of cos, the atmosphere, adrenaline rush of being in a huge crowd/concert contributed to our enthusiasm but its strange really. personally i thought: if people are capable of bestowing such praise & glory on a fellow man, surely the worship scene in heaven of God & the Lamb on that Day would be a gazillion times more intense than this! whats more the anticipation of being in His presence shd be mindblowing [woah! im actually, FINALLY going to meet HIM - the One right at the top top top of the chain!]. fwah, cant fully imagine but it shd get us pretty excited alright. more so than the anticipation of meeting buble or MJ in the flesh :)

nerd alert

got this test off someone's site - im rather disappointed im not as nerdy as i thought! :( given the fact that i sat in the front row during tuts & ferociously took notes, you wld reckon my score wld be higher. not fair lar, the test comprised of mostly scientific qns. bet i cld be nerdier if it was artsy or on finance.

you folks should take the test & share how you fare! :)

reencounters

this is inspired by Ling’s recent entry :)

Hands up – how many of us have had those terribly torturous crushes in sec school, JC that seemed to last for eons? the heart racing, eyes darting, feet jittering (ok I exaggerate) that grips you when the super cute, desirable guy (or girl) walks past / catches your eye / talks to you?

Don’t bluff okay. Surely have – at least ONE?

Haha I had, lets see… at least 2 major crushes in JC? One developed into a really great friendship & case of bad timing. Felt like crazy for him for close to a year & finally got over it. THEN he came around and wanted to take it further. Too late, brother. The other, tackily nicknamed mmmbop (don’t ask why! it was just a popular song then & the first thing we thought of while trying to speak in code during a math lecture) had a hold over me for quite awhile. He was tall, smart, witty, athletic… gathered from others that he was a good christian boy & a fillial son to boot! None of my friends thought he was much of a looker BUT I thought he was super duper cute! The kind that you spot in a crowd in the first wk of school, during orientation? hahahah

Anyhow, we weren’t really good friends (not much contact besides the occasional icq chats!) & pretty much split ways after JC. 4 years on, a mutual friend suggested doing dinner since he was back in town for abit. I thought: okay, ive been working awhile now, been in & out of a long rship, seen the world, grown up. he is still in uni, young chap, inexperienced blahblah. chey, surely i can handle dinner with mr old crush. BRING IT ON!

Armed with new-found confidence, we met. Believe it or not, he managed to bowl me over. ALL OVER AGAIN. argh.

He was still the same – witty, funny, cute, endearing, engaging. We talked about everything from work to missions to singleness. He cracked his usual stupid, corny jokes (did I mentioned I love corny? :)) and my defenses melted like ice through dinner. For a few moments, I felt 17 again. sigh, left dinner conquered & smitten (of cos he had no clue lar, im very good at acting bochap one). Smitten only for the next week or so after lar :) Thankfully he flew off back to studyland & we didn’t meet again for another year.

Anyhow, I insist im over him lar. Its just kinda fun to gush & be smitten once in awhile… makes you feel like a teen again. Hahahah opps there goes my credibility.

Thing is, the forbidden, mysterious, seemingly unobtainable always seem more attractive, desirable. It’s the lie & flaw of our human nature. If im rational about it, I don’t think me & mmmbop are all that compatible. Its funny how some people can just push your buttons in a way that others just can’t. What do you call that? Chemistry? Don’t know man. Anyway, these days I believe less & less in love at first sight/encounter. Think chemistry is abit overrated & is something that can be developed or more accurately, discovered over time as both parties reveal more… you think?

Okay ive shared my embarrassing crush re-encounter. Now share yours! ;)

till death

For a twentysomething yr old girl I contemplate death quite a bit. Was just at the cemetery over the weekend… In the day time, its actually a beautiful, sunny, peaceful place. Rather ideal for pondering & journaling if you ask me just that its too far off to be convenient. It’s not hard to be reminded of the certainty of death while amongst the graves. I always wonder about the families of these people buried there. Majority belong to people who died old – black & white photos of granny-like looking women with buns. Do the families still visit? They must be preoccupied with their own lives now. What happens when they are all dead? Who visits these anymore? Eventually no one will. When the children, grandchildren of these people pass away too, these graves will be meaningless and these people will be forgotten. That will happen to most of us, if we haven’t gotten our names in the history books somehow. The brevity of our lives – we are so small, so minute in the big scheme of life & history... mere dust. There’s just no concrete way of immortalising ourselves, all rather futile.

In the distance, piped amazing grace was playing out of a van as mourners walk out toward a burial site. Another ending, another family in grief. Time has a method of layering days & months & years in a way that helps you to remember but not really remember the pain death brings. I just know it is very very acute, like nothing I have felt before. And watching the proceedings, I dread the many times I have to go through it. For as long as Im alive, Ill keep feeling left behind, Ill keep losing people I love.

Which makes the promise of salvation & heaven in Christ such a relief. Knowing that physical death isn’t really the end, that all the wrath stored up for us has been dealt with in Christ and there is only rest, beauty, newness & glory with Him awaiting us. No more tears or death! This knowledge & truth makes all worthwhile, makes life bearable.

Even saying that sounds silly cos life as we know it is hardly that bad. What is a broken heart, a difficult boss or even ministry pains compared to the persecution, martyrdom that fellow saints in other centuries, countries face? We are too comfortable, too sheltered, too unbroken, too untested.

But peace now doesn’t mean peace always. Hurricane Katrina [more recently rewatching Hotel Rwanda - vivid pictures of massacre & civil strife] brought home the message for me that life, human structures, attempts at security aren’t at all reliable, predictable. Only predictably chaotic. First world wonders can turn into third world nightmares overnight. If we were to be struck by some form of disaster here in Singapore &/or believers start getting scarily persecuted for the faith, would we stick by Jesus? Something we should grapple with, prepare for in such good times.

I used to wonder (& still do now) what Id say if someone pointed a gun to my head, demanding I renounce Jesus. Would I wimp out or take the shot? I hope & pray with all my heart I wont do a peter on Christ. Anyhow, dying by the bullet is a lot easier than being gruesomely tortured. Don’t know if I can take the latter...

While we are spared from dramatic persecution of the NT kind now, we should be faithful in gospel work, in the task placed before us at our workplace, at church. Preparing ourselves & others for the end times.

The words of this song rings so true

Whatever happens, we must live worthy lives
And for the gospel, stand firm side by side

By His grace, may we hold fast to the promise, continue to preach Christ till death, till He comes.