grow old with who

On the way to work this morning, I noticed an old lady standing alone on the mrt. When the train was approaching city hall, she started squeezing her way against the crowd toward the other door (that wasn’t opening). Thinking she was going to exit, heading for the wrong one, I was about to tap her shoulder to alert her when I realised she was going toward another aged man, sitting at the other side. She called out across the heads – “next stop, we are getting off at the next stop”.

It’s a small, probably common occurrence, but the incident triggered a string of thoughts. Assuming that man was her husband, I realised the marriage partnership evolves in your winter years to simply companionship.

Unlike the flirty teenage couples, the loveydovey look-into-each-others-eyes bf/gf, the tired out, frazzled mom & dad with kids in toll (all egs of couples ive observed on mrt rides – material for another post if I get to it :)), the elderly couple needn’t sit tog, hold hands, be in constant touch, conversation. Neither are they annoyed or busying with the pram, the crying & trying baby. They are beyond insecurities & affirmation, attraction & flirtation. They are old friends, tried & tested partners that look out for each other, in familiarity, in practicality.

After youth & beauty fades, after the arrival & departure of kids, after the ups & down ins & outs, after the seasons of life have run their course & played their scenes, what you are left with & treasure in your withering years is simple, practical, caring companionship.

I imagine it isn't always exciting living with the same person day in & out. Its one of those things I worry abt marriage - what if you get bored of each other? :S I recently asked my friend if she ever gets bored with her hubby. Im sure you run out of things to say to each other, to talk about... rite? She said sth like Yah but its okay, you sleep, you wake up & you have new things & experiences to share & talk about. Its life. Yah, its life. Mundaneness & monotony are a part of life, just as thrills & excitement are a part of life. So it is the case in marriage.

I’m sure marriage in the later years isnt as sterile as I’ve described. There must be a lot of (preferably spoken) endearment, affection too. Afterall, this is one person who knows you like no other, who has shared & experienced, loves & adores the same people, experiences you do. There’s little need for explanation... you're comfortable in silence, in speech. Years of compromise has trained you to give & take at the right times & places.

Or maybe that’s just what I imagine growing old with someone would be like.

Adam Sandler’s song fluttered to mind

I wanna make you smile whenever you’re sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you

I’ll get your medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you

I’ll miss you, kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold
I’ll need you, feed you
Even let you hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed if you’ve had too much to drink
I could be the (wo)man who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you

I too want that someone to grow old with. I just don’t know what he looks like yet.