poetry improv

a very random note
thats mostly a conversation quote
i share a rather brilliant stroke
of poetry that rust wittily wrote

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silverust says:
let me attempt rhymy funny poem
silverust says:
give me a theme
silverust says:
(I think errol is better at tt)
pearls says:
haha er talk abt carrots
silverust says:
wah.

once upon a time

rabbit wanted to do crime

packed his evil bag and covered his face like a mime

went to the supermarket with gun in hand

told the cashier "hand me the carrots!"

but the cashier was deaf - he heard rabbit wanted 3 parrots

so the cashier went to the household department and got him some feathers

rabbit was mad, said "where are my carrots?"

"Boss, these are the only parrots i could find. from the feather duster"

Rabbit got mad, but turtle jumped and laughed, said "could cashier be any dumber?"

turtle challenged rabbit to a race, said "let us go see if I can be faster"

so rabbit took the challenge and said "when it comes to speed, I am the master"

So rabbit ran off... and turtle called the police.

the end.

pearls says:
woohooooo
pearls says:
well done!! *applause*
pearls says:
i like it alot. can i blog it now?
silverust says:
sure.
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think poetry improv is cool
requires more wit - not for fools
there are little rules
just need a theme & writing tools
its like fluffing quirky wool
you should definitely try it too! :)

opps he did it again

okay brace yourself for verrrrry floozy entry :P

remember the voice that captivated me & Ling that fateful night at the seafood restaurant? we just heard him again at lunch today… and he’s as mesmerizing as ever.

esplanade did a lunchbox thingy where mr heavenly-voice, with his band (altogether they are Timmy), played love songs that would melt any girl’s heart.

yes, we are suckers unanimous but honestly, you have to hear him to believe it! we figured it really isn’t his looks cos he’s not that cute (tho he’s the only guy besides ethan hawke that i can take with a goatee heh). we agreed the experience is just as wonderful with our eyes closed! its his voice, choice of songs and amazing playing that comes together nicely to deal a lethal punch thru our defenses. trust me girls, you’ll feel like putty when you hear him hahaha

okay lar, jokes & swoons aside he & his band really has talent. i was especially impressed with the arrangements, chords and musical skill. the bass was good, the acoustic guit was amazing, the keyboard was awesome. i never liked enrique iglesia’s hero but his rendition today was very different & i actually heard the lyrics properly for the first time – quite sweet huh. they also did the reason & she will be loved… a few of my faves that really got to me. not so much him, but really the words & the music. i know lar, im your typical lovefool. actually scratch that. im more accurately the cynical romantic cos seated there pondering the songs, the qns of when & if ever came up again. oh wells.

interestingly enough the crowd that came to watch wasn’t made up entirely of fluffy teeny girls (or working swoony types like us either). alot of aunties & uncles (like 70 yr old types! think they were suckered by the "classic love songs" line in the postcards), some expats and mostly people who looked like they didn’t have to work… the uncle on our left fell asleep, whilst the one on our right was tapping non-stop Ling had to change seats hahaha. pity the band slightly cos the crowd tho politely appreciative, took awhile to warmup. but overall a cool concept to do free lunchtime concerts - great that esplanade is making the arts more accessible to all.

curious? check him out on wed nites at walawala or mon/thur nites at acid bar (i think). no, we aren’t stalking him - tsktsk now that wld be ungodly. just ya know, well-informed ;)

so sepia so vague

faded memories
so sepia, so vague
so hard to recall, yet so hard to vacate

the void you left, our God did fill
but i wish often that you are with me still
there are times i forget the look of your face
i close my eyes to imagine your embrace
life without you starting to outweigh life with
my mind’s running out of room, out of space

somewhere along the way
i stopped asking why you had to go
somewhere over time
i accepted there were reasons id never know

would you be proud if you knew me now
what light would you shed on the issues around
what would you say about the boy i fancy
would i make you sad, mad or very happy

ive forgotten your voice, forgotten your touch
but my heart will always love, miss you very much

faded memories
so sepia, so vague
so hard to recall, yet so hard to vacate

pardon my sensitivities

Over the past 3 days, ive had various conversations where us girls have tried to explain this obscure phenomenon of the PMS to them boys. As much as the causes & symptoms also elude & baffle us females, ill attempt to explicate on the subject. And in so doing, to hopefully help us male & female alike, to deal with the dreaded effects together :) From the guys’ point of view, PMS is simply a convenient excuse for the lady (sister, mom, boss, gf, wife) to be grouchy, unreasonable & get away with it, at least once a month. They dont really understand what is going through the girl's mind &/or cant believe how her mood can change so easily & abruptly. Real or bluff? This PMS so powerful? He can have the most usual of conversations & suddenly, the gf gives the cold shoulder or wells up in tears. What did I do/say wrong?! Most of all, they dont know what to do with the girl when the PMS strikes other than to nod, take the punches & suck it up. Firstly, we girls dont really understand why this has to happen to us month after month either other than the biological causes established. Also, it is a phenomenon that only begins to affect us about 6-8yrs after puberty. So, it means that girls in late teens & early 20s would have only just began to feel the effects & so may not be as experienced at handling it well. Us slightly older girls have no excuse but to deal better over time ah :) Usual effects of the PMS (as is the consensus) include: - feel down/sad without any reason, moved to tears easily - hyper sensitivity to comments, usually tied to self-esteem (looks, abilities, value) - more easily aggravated, irritable; less rational, reasonable, tolerant - bloatedness, cramps, backaches – usually make us feel extremely ugly & grouchy Not all girls get all of these symptoms & they dont strike with the same intensity every month either – some months are better than others. Fact is, we dread having PMS & we dont like being emotional for no apparent cause either! We often rejoice when a month goes by peacefully without a hitch :) Ive realized that although the depressiveness of PMS affects me differently when im single and when I was attached, it still strikes ALL regardless of status. For the single - feel ugly, unwanted, unloved - feel insecure about single state, more vulnerable to negative attitude toward singleness - tend to think that being in a rship would make things better - able to be more reclusive, anti-social & deal with it in solitude without affecting any guy For the attached - sensitive to partner’s comments/words - feel unloved & insecure re him - make irrational, unreasonable demands usually in attempt to assure oneself that he does love you - think he’s untrustworthy or unkind even when he didnt do anything wrong or out of the ordinary - have to learn to deal properly & not project irrational emotions on bf Guess when youre attached, you arent absolved from the effects. Instead it manifests itself wrt the closest person to you & poor guy has to be vigilant on his toes. word to the girls Think that being self-aware is a good way to start in learning to deal with PMS well. Knowing the usual lies & negativities that hit you when youre down helps you to be alert at the onset & so be conscious in fighting it off with the truth. Also, i strongly feel that PMS shouldnt be a blanket excuse for any irrational behaviour or attitudes on our part! (Guys wont take us seriously when the real deal strikes, ya know) Yes, we feel down, we are more sensitive, but striving to be godly means we put in the effort, try our best to be loving, kind & not lash out unreasonably. Self control is a virtue that has to be trained & exercised especially in our down & grouchy times. Being other people-centred could also mean taking the time off to be alone, to pray or just sleep it off when youre depressed instead of being around people & risk hurting or troubling them. We can also learn to articulate our feelings to our loved ones (girls, guys, parents) so they know what’s going on & can try to be sensitive & loving. A simple – hey, im not feeling too good, kind of sensitive, pls just bear with me ok? would do well in helping others to help you. Its alright to ask if you need a hug or word of affirmation. Its better to ask a direct, simple “Do you care?” & hear (hopefully) the assurance than to wallow in insecurity whilst the poor guy/parent is clueless! Besides dietary remedies described, i personally have the bad habit of being more indulgent when im having PMS. Haha retail therapy is one of my antidotes tho a really inexcusable one! Im also drawn to comfort foods like choc, mos burger & thai express to make me feel happier :) That I think isnt too bad cos we may feel fat but we still got to eat rite? ;) I also turn to my gfs for support when it gets too awful… to pray for me or even just for the word of assurance & affirmation (that we arent as unlovable or fat as we feel haha). They understand without your need to explain. Most importantly, beyond assurances from our loved ones, we have to remind ourselves the truth re Christ & our identity with Him. Hee, it helps to know that PMS will end one day – either through menopause or when He returns. No PMS in heaven I reckon! word to the guys As much as its unfathomable to you, know that its really tough on the girl sometimes & you can do your part to help. Try to be understanding & not belittle or mock the idea of PMS. Be more sensitive to her needs – that may mean asking & speaking more gently than usual or articulating clearly reasons for doing/saying something to avoid misunderstanding. She may need space or she may need more of your company (heres the tough bit, you dont know which!) but open communication always proves helpful in such cases. Dont run away if she needs you okay! You can mess up, be more selfish on normal days, but any wrongdoing is magnified in its effects when committed during the dreaded period! (no pun intended) Be patient, more tolerant & forgiving to the sister or gf thats difficult (of cos within reasonable boundaries - i dont believe in spoiling or being overly indulgent either). Give words of affirmation if you can, of cos only state what is true, dont exaggerate or make promises/declarations you cant keep! Girls dont have amnesia during PMS okay so dont store up trouble for yourself. Its also the best time to do sweet things/surprises lar if you want to score points or just simply express your love to her. Mostly flowers or fave food or tickets to a nice play would work wonders in cheering her up & making her feel special. Last of all, you can pray for us girls if you sense we arent feeling too happy or confident. Probably most helpful thing to do lar :) So yes, Pardon My Sensitivities when the annoying syndrome strikes. Surely we can learn to live peacefully one gender with the other if we all played our part in striving for other people-centredness :) ______________________________ I only have one question – does the pregnant woman still get PMS? Or is poor hubby subject to usual dose of it ON TOP OF the preggie girl’s craving & massaging (understandable) demands? Either way, its alright lar cos girls suffer so much, the men should do their bit to help, rite? :P

blogging my musings

The topic of blogging came up sat night. A friend had just found out I blog and being a non-blogger, he asked the natural questions: Why do you blog? Do you have an exhibitionist streak? What do you blog abt?

Every blogger gets confronted with these questions. By friends & mostly by oneself. Rereading my first entry, I wonder if its clear the thought process I went through before attempting this, I wonder if any of my initial intentions have changed.

Why blog?

I blog cos its fun to have a place to ponder aloud, to express my inner thoughts, feelings. I like that it’s a extension of who I am – that its a place I can put up pretty things, share songs & experiences that touch me, reveal precious moments of my life. Yes, its an imperfect, incomplete representation but an extension no less.

I blog also with a mind to encourage, to demonstrate realness in my walk with Jesus. To show nonCs & fellow Cs that Christians aren’t perfect, we are human, we have our hang-ups, tangible likes & dislikes. That it’s a struggle but its possible to live in but not be conformed to this world. That we needn’t walk alone, we can journey the straight & narrow together.

I blog to let people who are dear but apart from me know what’s going on. I blog to consolidate lessons im learning, as an archive of the ups & downs of my life.

Are you an exhibitionist?

Am I an exhibitionist? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Its something I fight everytime I blog. I also sometimes fight fears of being judged or belittled – that my sense of humour isn’t that funny or that my excitement about someone or something isn’t all that inciting to others. These days Ive learnt to be bo chap - if you like what you read, great. If you dont, its cool cos Im not here to please anyone :) There is more to a person than whats on his/her blog.

I don’t deny I like it when people like my entries or leave comments. Its part of being valued and being encouraged :) But I remind myself to keep it real – I refrain from blogging some entries when I know my motives aren’t right, self-glorifying or if it is a hypocritical take (many drafts on store!). I firmly believe you can only truly encourage when you are open & real about your own struggles. It’s a tough balance to strike between being real & yet not getting too personal. Tho it might seem otherwise, I do draw boundaries. I don’t blog about everything that I struggle with or encounter. Somethings do remain secret between me & my friends, me & my Potter.

Why don’t you be anonymous?

I think the Shadow has outlined good reasons for remaining so. I would too if not for 2 reasons. Firstly, it didn’t occur to me when I started this just cos I was blur & dumb & didn’t think of it as an option. Secondly, it takes too much thought & effort to keep the anonymity, I don’t think I have the connive in me to sustain it!
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As with all amateur bloggers, you grow in the process. So I am growing, sort of like coming to my own. I used to be shy about it, but these days I blog with more confidence. I worry less about what people might think, misconstrue and focus on just being me, putting part of myself, what God is teaching me out there… out here.

Musings aside, my intention remain the same – to be real in my journey with God and in that realness to hopefully encourage you in yours.

So, the invitation’s still open – come walk, run, fly with me… & our Potter! :)

wedding comebacks

attended another wedding at my previous church yesterday and thankfully, the post-wedding interactions were a lot more intimate than the last. by intimate I mean, genuine catching up vs hi-byes type of. i wasnt suffering from any wedding blues & was in fact in one of my cheerer moods (it helps that i wasnt pmsing - it really helps). so cheery i was engaging in natural conversation with everyone, even with you-know-who. things were going so well, i was caught off guard when affronted by the aunties near the buffet line. the conversation went sth like this: aunty 1: hey pearlyn *reaches out hand to shake* wah so pretty today ah… so nice to see you! how have you been? me: *shy smile, returning handshake* im good, im good, nice to see you too aunty aunty 2: so how, are you still working at ---? how’s work? how long have you been there? me: work’s okay, same-o same-o… [trail off] barely 20sec into conversation, one of buffet line auntys launched the dreaded question aunty 1: so pearlyn, when is it your turn? *sly comeonyouwanttotellme smile* mind races. first time ive been asked this since i was single! i had 1 of 3 options: i. *weak laugh, eyes cast to ground* no lar, ive got no boyfriend [look like a desperate loser girl, no life, no hope] ii. *confident laugh* not any time soon aunty! Ill surely tell you when the time comes! [too confident, might prompt more invasive questions along lines of "do you have a bf now? what does he do?" etc] iii. *smile nicely* don’t know. Ask God? [imply it was a rude question, not admitting current status, wont make me look too lame] i picked option 3. it worked – auntys laughed awkwardly & muttered, "yah thats true, heh heh" & directed me to buffet line to get food, the poor girl must be hungry. felt victorious & mildly relieved that i got away with most of pride in tact but still kind of surprised it came up. fact is, everyone in my old church community had been wise/kind up till that point to veer away from topic of relationships with me. also, ive been considering myself still young & not in the letsworryabthersheisntmarriedyet category. hmm maybe i am at the edge of the season where whenisityourturns & howcomeyoudonthaveabfyets torrents are coursing down towards me, hidden from behind the bend. hahaha thankfully i wasnt too affected. i related it in jest to my other twentysomething friends. sitting around, we decided there were two main questions that people tend to ask us at these weddings. the single people get the "when is it your turn?" While the (newly) married ones get the "when are you having a baby?" & "are you pregnant?" to which the smart (albeit slightly rude) retort someone had was: what colour is your underwear? you tell me then ill tell you if im pregnant. i wonder what kind of a response the auntys were looking for? how come they nothing better to do than to ask such insensitive questions? do they really want me to give a wedding date & whip out an invite onthespot? cant they see we arent wearing no engagement ring nor are our tummies wide with anticipation? given my wit eludes me esp in moments of dire need, im opening this up to the floor. i know my readers are far more sharp-tongued than i can ever be so humour me with good comebacks. i need to store up ammunition for the mass of weddings & dinners coming up! :)

a tribute

you were my truest companion
you were my truest friend
you were there when i needed someone to talk to
you were there when i needed a hand

you woke me up every morning
even on the rainy days
you were in on my conversations
conveyed my smiles, frowns & craze

you knew the unsent stories
the ones that remained on store
and i could count on you to remember
details that would normally bore

you were always a good mediator
and had a keen eye for pictures too
(mostly) quick and intently capable
you humoured me even when i needed the loo

i only had one gripe -
you weren’t really the ideal size
but im not one to complain much
especially in the face of such a prize

sadly i didn’t see it coming
your departure was sudden & swift
someone stole you from me
its now too late for what-ifs

now that youre gone
ive got to look for someone new
someone who is sharp & quick
someone as reliable as you

i need to recollect those secrets
new memories out there to accrue
but while i find this new companion
know that i am missing you… :(

a tribute to my nokia 7210 which departed 07 September 2005

at approx 8.48am. numbers, condolences & recommendations most appreciated.

glimpses of heaven

We are studying the intriguing & mysterious book of Revelation now. Really glad to have learnt many new things and cleared up some misconceptions about it :)

In our last study, WH brought up a really good point that humans make up own ideas of heaven & its usually a mish mash of their own desires & wants instead of what God Himself has revealed. Here are some egs of that I came up with.

Human Ideas of Heaven

i. Relational Love

In the absence of Jesus, humans often look to the next most intimate relational experience as a source of satisfaction, as the ultimate goal of living, being. Love between a man & woman is exalted, hyped up. People the world over glorify the search for the One* whom they believe will complete them (hence songs/poems of crossing mountains, seas for the other, loving onto death blahblah), glorify idea that love is all one needs, willing to do anything even for a moment, that moment with the one they love. Heaven, to the romantics, can be found on earth in the arms of the love of your life.

DJ Sammy’s Heaven sums up the notion (I like the song btw, the tune very nice lar tho abit lian):

Baby you're all that I want

When you're lying here in my arms

I'm finding it hard to believe

We're in heaven

And love is all that I need

And I found it there in your heart

It isn't too hard to see

We're in heaven

This idea is sad but very real. As Christians, we (at least I) have to constantly fight unhealthy (vs healthy) romantic tendencies & lies, what more people who don’t have Jesus? I’d cling to this idea of heaven too if I didn’t know Him, cos that’s all I'll know & can see. Love between a man & woman is beautiful AND God-given but He doesn’t intend for it to be the ultimate goal of our lives nor a definition of heaven. Love as wonderful as it feels will be revealed as small relative to all that He’s planned for us at the end :)

* will save my views on ‘the One’ for another time, place

ii. One big orgy or drinking party

Some religions believe that heaven will be one big orgy where they can have access to as many virgins as they want (?!). Some of my friends like to believe that heaven would be one big party with free flowing booze, all forms of indulgence & freedom to do whatever they want uninhibitedly. Basically, an eternal nightout at the club with no limitations on alcohol, music or beautiful people. Sadly some don’t even mind the thought of hell (they claim), cos they believe they can enjoy being persistently rebellious with merry bunch of rebel friends.

iii. Peaceful, Floaty Place

Others believe that heaven will be nothingness. They will be free from the misery of life and just float around aimlessly, freely and happily or simply disappear. Quite an appealing idea given that the fallen world we live in IS painful, tiring… its no wonder that people would long for a place free of pain, crime, work, worry.

But all our human attempts at figuring our heaven is futile cos it won't happen just cos we imagine so. What's impt is knowing & believing the truth about heaven as revealed in the Bible.

God’s Idea of Heaven

Heaven as revealed to us in Revelation 4 & 5 shows us what its really all about – God & Jesus, the Lamb. Not about us - our selfish ideals, our pleasures, our glory or happiness.

In Rev 4:-11, we see God seated at the centre, on the throne, in His brilliance & glory. His people (elders) bow down & defer their crowns to Him. Why is this so? What makes Him so worthy to be praised, worshipped?

"You are worthy, our Lord and God,

to receive glory and honor and power,

for you created all things,

and by your will they were created

and have their being."

God is on the throne & worthy of worship because He...
i. Created all things
ii. Sustains all things
iii. Is eternal

The Lamb is also worshipped as seen in Rev 5:1-14.

"You are worthy to take the scroll

and to open its seals,

because you were slain,

and with your blood you purchased men for God

from every tribe and language and people and nation.

You have made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve our God,

and they will reign on the earth."

Jesus is worthy to be worshipped because He...

i. Saved us

ii. Enabled us to serve God (made us kingdom & priests)

iii. Allows us to reign with Him

We need to believe the picture of heaven revealed to us in His Word & live in reality of that – God’s reign over all the earth & heaven and so, His reign over our lives. He is ultimate King, and we are ultimate servants.

This is one of my fave quotes from CS Lewis. About how the dreams & ideals we cling to are so small next to the plans God has for us.

"We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in the slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

Its like how we cling on to our human ideas of heaven not realising what God has planned is so much more awesome & wonderful.

We may not fully grasp what heaven will be like - Revelation gives us only glimpses of it & not everything (like why He who sits on the throne has appearance of jasper & carnelian) can be explained. But these glimpses are more than sufficient in delivering the main point – heaven is ultimately about God & His glory. The splendour, beauty and relief that await us is beyond our imagination but we can find hope in the picture that’s already been granted to us.

just the way you are

although we had no claim
you held your hand of mercy to us
what we receive for all our work on earth
is pain and death

your love we do not deserve
we could not save ourselves
and yet you gave a gift of life through Jesus
hanging, bleeding on a cross

in selfishness and sin
we have been blinded from your truth
we hate, we hurt, we hide from you
pretending we're in control
but please now open our eyes
replace this heart of stone
make us your new creation
let nothing keep us from the love of God

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once in abit, it hits you again how far short you fall below the mark & how much you need Jesus... His redeeming & accepting love. love that takes you just the way you are. been struggling with that. realised that in our fallenness, few seem capable of unconditional love, even those in the Body of Christ struggle with it (myself included). thankful He accepts me so - bruises, flaws & all. ironic how the One who has the right to judge is, in His grace, the most accepting of us all...

the extinction of men

an article on christianity today abt the rarity of godly men :) interesting perspective esp coming from a single guy! then again, he's never been to arpc which im assured by others, have tonnes. haha the debate continues...