pardon my sensitivities

Over the past 3 days, ive had various conversations where us girls have tried to explain this obscure phenomenon of the PMS to them boys. As much as the causes & symptoms also elude & baffle us females, ill attempt to explicate on the subject. And in so doing, to hopefully help us male & female alike, to deal with the dreaded effects together :) From the guys’ point of view, PMS is simply a convenient excuse for the lady (sister, mom, boss, gf, wife) to be grouchy, unreasonable & get away with it, at least once a month. They dont really understand what is going through the girl's mind &/or cant believe how her mood can change so easily & abruptly. Real or bluff? This PMS so powerful? He can have the most usual of conversations & suddenly, the gf gives the cold shoulder or wells up in tears. What did I do/say wrong?! Most of all, they dont know what to do with the girl when the PMS strikes other than to nod, take the punches & suck it up. Firstly, we girls dont really understand why this has to happen to us month after month either other than the biological causes established. Also, it is a phenomenon that only begins to affect us about 6-8yrs after puberty. So, it means that girls in late teens & early 20s would have only just began to feel the effects & so may not be as experienced at handling it well. Us slightly older girls have no excuse but to deal better over time ah :) Usual effects of the PMS (as is the consensus) include: - feel down/sad without any reason, moved to tears easily - hyper sensitivity to comments, usually tied to self-esteem (looks, abilities, value) - more easily aggravated, irritable; less rational, reasonable, tolerant - bloatedness, cramps, backaches – usually make us feel extremely ugly & grouchy Not all girls get all of these symptoms & they dont strike with the same intensity every month either – some months are better than others. Fact is, we dread having PMS & we dont like being emotional for no apparent cause either! We often rejoice when a month goes by peacefully without a hitch :) Ive realized that although the depressiveness of PMS affects me differently when im single and when I was attached, it still strikes ALL regardless of status. For the single - feel ugly, unwanted, unloved - feel insecure about single state, more vulnerable to negative attitude toward singleness - tend to think that being in a rship would make things better - able to be more reclusive, anti-social & deal with it in solitude without affecting any guy For the attached - sensitive to partner’s comments/words - feel unloved & insecure re him - make irrational, unreasonable demands usually in attempt to assure oneself that he does love you - think he’s untrustworthy or unkind even when he didnt do anything wrong or out of the ordinary - have to learn to deal properly & not project irrational emotions on bf Guess when youre attached, you arent absolved from the effects. Instead it manifests itself wrt the closest person to you & poor guy has to be vigilant on his toes. word to the girls Think that being self-aware is a good way to start in learning to deal with PMS well. Knowing the usual lies & negativities that hit you when youre down helps you to be alert at the onset & so be conscious in fighting it off with the truth. Also, i strongly feel that PMS shouldnt be a blanket excuse for any irrational behaviour or attitudes on our part! (Guys wont take us seriously when the real deal strikes, ya know) Yes, we feel down, we are more sensitive, but striving to be godly means we put in the effort, try our best to be loving, kind & not lash out unreasonably. Self control is a virtue that has to be trained & exercised especially in our down & grouchy times. Being other people-centred could also mean taking the time off to be alone, to pray or just sleep it off when youre depressed instead of being around people & risk hurting or troubling them. We can also learn to articulate our feelings to our loved ones (girls, guys, parents) so they know what’s going on & can try to be sensitive & loving. A simple – hey, im not feeling too good, kind of sensitive, pls just bear with me ok? would do well in helping others to help you. Its alright to ask if you need a hug or word of affirmation. Its better to ask a direct, simple “Do you care?” & hear (hopefully) the assurance than to wallow in insecurity whilst the poor guy/parent is clueless! Besides dietary remedies described, i personally have the bad habit of being more indulgent when im having PMS. Haha retail therapy is one of my antidotes tho a really inexcusable one! Im also drawn to comfort foods like choc, mos burger & thai express to make me feel happier :) That I think isnt too bad cos we may feel fat but we still got to eat rite? ;) I also turn to my gfs for support when it gets too awful… to pray for me or even just for the word of assurance & affirmation (that we arent as unlovable or fat as we feel haha). They understand without your need to explain. Most importantly, beyond assurances from our loved ones, we have to remind ourselves the truth re Christ & our identity with Him. Hee, it helps to know that PMS will end one day – either through menopause or when He returns. No PMS in heaven I reckon! word to the guys As much as its unfathomable to you, know that its really tough on the girl sometimes & you can do your part to help. Try to be understanding & not belittle or mock the idea of PMS. Be more sensitive to her needs – that may mean asking & speaking more gently than usual or articulating clearly reasons for doing/saying something to avoid misunderstanding. She may need space or she may need more of your company (heres the tough bit, you dont know which!) but open communication always proves helpful in such cases. Dont run away if she needs you okay! You can mess up, be more selfish on normal days, but any wrongdoing is magnified in its effects when committed during the dreaded period! (no pun intended) Be patient, more tolerant & forgiving to the sister or gf thats difficult (of cos within reasonable boundaries - i dont believe in spoiling or being overly indulgent either). Give words of affirmation if you can, of cos only state what is true, dont exaggerate or make promises/declarations you cant keep! Girls dont have amnesia during PMS okay so dont store up trouble for yourself. Its also the best time to do sweet things/surprises lar if you want to score points or just simply express your love to her. Mostly flowers or fave food or tickets to a nice play would work wonders in cheering her up & making her feel special. Last of all, you can pray for us girls if you sense we arent feeling too happy or confident. Probably most helpful thing to do lar :) So yes, Pardon My Sensitivities when the annoying syndrome strikes. Surely we can learn to live peacefully one gender with the other if we all played our part in striving for other people-centredness :) ______________________________ I only have one question – does the pregnant woman still get PMS? Or is poor hubby subject to usual dose of it ON TOP OF the preggie girl’s craving & massaging (understandable) demands? Either way, its alright lar cos girls suffer so much, the men should do their bit to help, rite? :P