ordinary people, ordinary day

I’m in an unusually reclusive mood so instead of heading out for the regular fix of community & fun, I’ve decided to come here and blog abt my day and its thoughts.

Had one of those open and honest conversations with a close brother. He noted my love for plays and commented about how I’m kind of someone experiential. I didn’t really agree cos I don’t think im driven by the need to experience new, notorious things for the sake of checking it off a list. But I thought more and realized this.

The reason I love plays (and songs, poems, words, music) cos they are affecting expressions of emotion, the human condition, love, relationships, life. Issues, struggles, experiences of the monotonous and exciting portrayed in a raw and honest way, through the eyes of unique individuals. I like that we are all the same, yet different. I’m often caught by surprise, find comfort that the thoughts and emotions I have towards the world, people, are shared by others - playwrights, poets, songwriters, musicians. Strangers to me, yet fellows at heart. Feelings and perspectives that I feel in the solitude, aloneness of my soul and mind occur too in unfamiliar persons out there. Sometimes the beauty comes from having the unsaid, unarticulated things made aloud, demonstrated audibly silently in expression. In speaking the unspoken of my heart, the medium allows me a better measure of self-awareness and makes me less alone. It also allows me glimpses into different lives, the diversity of us the created race amazes and stumps me at times. They give me the chance to realize we are distinct, learn to emphathise despite of it.

Well, besides the fact that his comment triggered off this entire (unspoken) spew, i felt really blessed after our conversation today. I’m thankful God provides people I can be open with, that are real back and with whom I know I can confide in and trust for wise, Godly counsel. Think this friendship is set to last a pretty long time :)

Anyway, here’s a quotable quote. Something (as close as I can remember) I read off a t-shirt while milling around junction 8

Stupid words sound better sung

How true! As proof of that, here’s a song I tried out at the shops. Apparently it’s in the running for Grammy’s 2006 Song of the year (er or are the Grammy’s already over?) Ordinary people by John Legend.

Girl im in love with you
This ain't the honeymoon
Past the infatuation phase
Right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue everyday

I know i misbehaved
And you made your mistakes
And we both still got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
And we'll make this thing work
But I think we should take it slow

[Chorus]
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cos we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow
This time we'll take it slow
This time we'll take it slow

This ain't a movie no
No fairy tale conclusion ya'll
It gets more confusing everyday
Sometimes it's heaven sent
Then we head back to hell again
We kiss then we make up on the way

I hang up you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
As our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I still want you to stay

Take it slow
Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave,
Maybe you'll return
Maybe another fight
Maybe we won't survive
But maybe we'll grow
We never know baby you and I

See, it looks so much dumber in typed than in tune. I love it btw…

Also discovered Noon just released another album titled 'My Fairy Tale'. The discography is wonderful with all my personal faves! Songs I’ve liked for a long time but could (still can't!) never find the perfect version of. In fact the very songs I would have on my repertoire if I was like a musician or something. I didn’t buy the cd though the music was lovely cos I really can’t bear her poor enunciation :( A lovely voice but the jap accent really hinder the songs.

Anyhow, the titles that I love from there are

- Here there and everywhere
- Someone to watch over me
- Raindrops keep falling on my head
- Close to you
- Will you still love me tomorrow

Speaking of musicians and covers, an idea occurred to me walking home. I should totally get a talented guitarist friend to humour me in jointly recording my favourite songs. Not for anyone else really, but myself. And maybe special people I mean the songs for. Hmm…

Not typical of me to ramble on meaninglessly, inconclusively. But well, its not a typical me tonight :) Thanks for sticking around... well at least I’m done now. laters!

thank God for songs & frisbee

Got to give thanks cos God has truly been good. Thanksgiving #1 Church on Sunday was a real blessing as I felt God knew my heart and reminded me of what I needed to hear through both the songs & the sermon. Pastor Chris preached on Psalm 91. Here are some learning points for me: As believers, we are called to believe IN God, not just believe ABOUT God. Our faith in God isn’t a cold commitment to set of rules, doctrine but a warm belief in God, our refuge. God grants sovereign care, but also grants personal care Nothing will happen to us without God’s knowledge. Everything is ultimately provided by Him, even if the rescue/deliverance seems to come through human means. Faith comes from the hearing of God’s word The true believer must make the deliberate choice to sort out our hearing, hear the good stuff, choose carefully who we listen to. Our belief should not be a self-interested one I should trust in God for who He is, not simply what He can do for me. Also, I really appreciated this song we sang. A very good song to sing to myself as a reminder to look to God and trust Him deeply, whenever I don’t feel like it. Such a cheery, happy tune too! :) Why so downcast O my soul? Put your hope in God Put your hope in God Put your hope in God Why so downcast O my soul? Put your hope in God And bless the name of the Lord He’s the lifter of my countenance... Thanksgiving #2 Daddy went to JFN retreat and really enjoyed himself. My heart brimmed with joy & thanksgiving at the things he (& others) were sharing with me! Daddy really likes his group. He told me they really opened up to each other & he didn’t know there were so many msians & insians around (he’s way of saying he’s comfy with them). He thinks they are a nice bunch and they had fun going to suppers and hanging out (sounds like us eh??). Daddy said he made friends with his roommate (a PUNJ dude) and his sharing of their time spent just touched me a lot. Also, I had feedback that my daddy is very fun & a great sport. What can I say? Look who’s the daughter! :P Apparently Daddy also played a whoopee game of frisbee with the young people, outdoing some of the them! haha how cool & sweet is that? Looks like he is set to attend DG regularly on Fridays after this. He talks of his group in a long term way. Isnt that just amazing & awesome? All the prayers answered. Really can see God’s hand working cos this is nothing man-made. God is good indeed. Praise HIM!! :)

i love shopping better

Ive been feeling alittle out of it the last couple of days. But instead of moping, ive decided to distract myself with an unnecessary & indulgent entry detailing highlights of my recent trip to Bangkok. Actually only ONE highlight of the trip. Be warned, its floozy. How does one begin to describe the ecstasy of being immersed in shopaholics paradise? The adrenaline rush, heat that hits you as you step into the furore of Chatuchak, fully anticipating the quirky, thrifty and nifty buys. The acute sense of purpose as you systematically comb, reconnoitre the amazing floors of the great MBK & the satisfaction that follows from finding all you wanted... and MORE. Or the wonder and cold air that numb your senses, the weight & whiff of extravagance that seep into your pores as you wander the magnificent & snooty Siam Paragon… Words are not enough to make you fully comprehend, be even remotely envious of all the bargains I got. SO! I’ll resort to posting pictures of (a portion of) my spoils instead. Suffice to say $7 belts, $8 tops, $10 bags, $12 shoes and $20 jeans all come together therapeutically to make me a very happy and satisfied girl. Like bubbletoes’ top wisely proclaims: boys are nice but I love shopping better! in fact, shopping is a lot less troublesome than boys. (boys suck) shopping rocks! YEAHHHHHH. i feel all better now :D photo courtesy of fang footnote: DO NOT give me a hard time about how much I’ve spent. I’m grouchy and I need relief. Moreover, I did say this was an indulgent entry so there! :P ill finish up a mini travel log & post it so we'll know what not to miss out the next time we're there :) tara!

my steer & strong arm

Clarity eludes me now. But I pray on. The heart has reasons that reason knows not of*. For that reason, I no longer trust it.

Aloneness is myopic, at times blinding. Open my eyes God, restore my vision. Make your perspective mine.

I’m young and foolish. Helpless, dependent. Be my steer God, your wisdom my sole guide, my strong arm.

Lead me Lord, make me follow… You. Not the heart that misleads, the heart thats fickle, the heart thats easily charmed. The heart is deceitful above all things, who can understand it?^ Only you God, only you.

* blaise pascal

^ jeremiah 17.9

comic character

as some of you might know, im on a long (dont argue, 2 weeks IS long by my standards) break off work. since ive had much time to waste away the past week, ive been spending some in bed with two cuties namely, Calvin & Hobbes. this strip in particular struck me (click to enlarge)

Released on: Wednesday, Jan 22nd 1986. Images copyright Bill Watterson and Universal Press Syndicate.

it humourously resembled my rship with God. its like me being confronted with situations that im unfamiliar with/scared of

me pouting & going: eww this cant be good. why God?

God in response: take a step forward & embrace it, trust me

stubborn spoilt me scream: i dont want to try, i dont want to love it - take it away!!

God: it's good for you beyond what you know. what you dont naturally love is placed before you cos it builds character.

despite his intended sarcasm, how Calvin ends is true. God our dad is always looking out for us.

this train of thought ties in somewhat with Rev John Ting's message last week abt obedience & God's guidance.

often times we ask God for guidance in areas that we've kinda made up our minds abt and are narrow-mindedly open only to what we ask for/want. like how Rev Ting was when he was 19 praying: dear God, please grant me your will... but please let your will for me be Margaret! we laugh precisely cos we've all been guilty of being that silly.

through the course of the week, im reminded of how all of us have our own desires, dreams. sometimes its hard to figure out why God deals out what He does, esp when its so far from what we want (which may be good things). yet we are called to always trust His character, His goodness, His love for us. to trust that even the yucky circumstances are good & part of the plan. to obey inspite of our own fears & discomforts.

its hard even though time & experience have shown God's faithfulness over & over esp in the major crises of my life. He always held me close, kept me firm, helped me to know joy in the midst of pain. but im forgetful most times and it takes real effort & trust everytime to release my burdens to Him & to learn, re-learn what trusting Him means, feels like. to wait on Him, to be quiet and truly submissive to His ways, plans.

but im thankful for the reminder & im hoping its sufficient preparation for what is to come when the results are out later today. pray with me, wont you? :)