baby baby

my closer friends all know i adore babies & toddlers. at least i love to cuddle & admire their cuteness. a fact partially proven by the collection of adorable baby pics stored in my hp - mostly of stranger too-cute-to-miss kids! :) looking after ten 3-year olds running amok in nursery is another story altogether though... 3hrs is more than i can take at ago.

isnt she just the cutest thing?

ive been around new & would-be moms alot the last couple of days. being intrigued & mystified by the whole concept of motherhood, i always have a truck-load of qns for pregnant women: so how was the first trimester like? did you suffer from morning sickness? is it very heavy? are you scared of the pain? will you take epidural? why /why not? are you happy with the gender? have you thought of the name? how are the pre-natal classes like?

for new moms i have another set of qns: how long were you in labour? was it really bad? how long were the intervals between contractions? how was your hubby like during delivery? are you breastfeeding? how often does he/she feed? is it painful? who's going to look after baby? you going to return to work? would you do it again??

through my series of interviews, ive learnt many things. every woman experiences slightly varied ills during pregnancy. some suffer from severe morning sickness even beyond the 1st trimester, others dont get pukey at all. some have cravings, some none. some are pro-intervention (got epidural - of cos take lar!!) while others want to brave it out the natural way (intervention leads to more intervention, she tells me wisely). you never can predict how the delivery process will pan out - some take 5hrs, others 30hrs (!!) & various complications could occur along the way.

ive learnt also that pregnancy is tough - you get very lethargic & tired & get backaches. you cant clip your toenails, you feel breathless easily & get leg cramps in the middle of the night. the load keeps getting heavier to bear up till the point where you just cant wait to pop. labour & after is even tougher - the anticipation, the indescribable pain, the 5hrs sleep in 3 days, the unpredictable crying, the baby that just wouldnt sleep, the jaundice, the management of grandparents, the painful boobs, etc. its crazy cos you hardly have time to eat or sleep & your life just revolves around the tiny thing. to think i get grouchy if i sleep less than 5hrs two nights at a go... :P

but you also hear the heartwarming joy in the parents' voices & note the adoring looks on their faces. you hear sweet stories of supportive hubbies & watch your normally whacky gf lovingly, patiently cajole her unconsolable baby & realise parenthood really makes you grow up overnight. you are forced to be selfless, to be responsible & strong for the little one. you also get a glimpse of the love that God must feel towards us as His children - so helpless, so ignorant, so dependent. the tussle between loving & not spoiling, discerning what's really vs superficially good for the child. parenthood in this light is so amazing, so cool.

i hear stories, see good & negative egs of new moms and wonder to myself - would i be able to handle it well? how would motherhood fare on me? would i be strong & dependable for my child? can i ever be this selfless? would i be able to bring him/her up right? on one hand, i know i really want children. on the other hand, it seems like an intimidating unchartered territory. an irrevocable, irreversible mission/challenge of the highest order. the reality of being a mother is really daunting & i dont know if one can ever be fully prepared for it...

kinda silly i know to dwell on these cos im a long way from the prospect of marriage, much less being a mom. but if i ever get the chance to be, i want the answers to these qns to be yes.

yes, in reliance on Him. yes, as i partner with my husband. yes, as we recognise together he/she belongs first to God... if the time comes.

baby baby im taken by the notion
to love you with the sweetest of devotion
baby baby my tender love will flow from
the blue sky to the deepest ocean

... baby im so glad youre mine

- amy grant