diamonds - girl's best friend?

warning: this is super frivolous entry written awhile back, posted for someone's amusement ;) probably unedifying so you shd skip it if you think it might stumble you esp if you already have a weakness for those sparklies. OR if you might be tempted to judge me. heh heh :)

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You know how they say diamonds are a girl’s best friend? I never quite understood the enormity/reality/temptation of the statement till I incidentally stumbled into big luring world of diamonds recently. Let me share the series of encounters that I had with Mdm Folly & the rock in the recent fortnight.

Encounter [1] & [2]

Best friend & me were catching up over lunch when she notices my recent purchase. Prodes & i revealed details reluctantly. The floodgates opened & we launched into excited banter about specs, which led to lively discussion about cuts, certifications, carats. Being married she is way more experienced & into the diamond scene than i am so she shared her wisdom. Revisited her engagement ring story & exchanged NEW engagement ring stories. Talked upgrades & jeweller management. Its like a whole new territory of bonding that we NEVER experienced before. Admitting the frivolousness of the conversation helped bring us back down to earth but the moment was… telling.

Another girlfriend in the same week, wanted to buy a cross pendant & asked me to follow her. We had NEVER spoken about jewellery, much less diamonds before so it was out of mere coincidence. We enter shop & I admitted to my recent buy & suddenly I became the (horrors!) diamond expert of us 2! She wanted to buy studs & we spent hours talking to the jewellers that night. Thereafter, she went home & stayed up to 4am learning more about diamonds & over the weekend checked out a jeweller friend’s place. I tell you, diamonds just suck you right in.

Encounter [3] – the main pt of my sharing but I got carried away

a very dear guy friend needed desperately to find 1st year anniversary gift for gf. Having set expectations too high in monthly anniversary gifts [he spent up to $300 per gift! yes, chided him already - no need to give such expensive gifts monthly!! pardon me but who celebrates monthly anniversaries these days?!] he had little choices with which to impress the lady, short of popping a solitaire diamond ring.

So the limited options we worked out (within his already v generous 4 figure budget):

i. diamond studded pendant with initial of her first name – sweet & way within budget but cldn’t get done on short notice

ii. diamond earrings – he refuse to cos he had already given her TWO pairs prior to this. anniversary gift had to be special, cant repeat gift, blahblah

iii. something from tiffanys – which cant be diamond studded obviously. and there was no way id let him get a keychain, tiffanys or not. not romantic & not worth it

iv. tenis bracelet – last option but over budget by at least half

thanks to this guy, me & best friend had to brave temptation by accompanying him to the jewellers. AND help try on stuff. AND calculate value of pieces. AND tiptoe around the gorgeous pieces.

On one hand, I wanted to wring his neck for setting such high expectations (in her, of himself)… On the other hand (he is normally a very kiam guy), it was sweet to see that he was really quite serious abt her, wanting the gift to be sth that she wld want, that wld make her happy – not settling for just anything for the sake of getting a gift [note: she neither asked nor hinted abt the bracelet but he knew she really wanted one lar].

The hilarious bit was us over the phone & him calculating the length of the tenis bracelet to see how many diamonds he can try & take off to make it that teeny bit more affordable. Conversation went sth like this:

R: how? ive no choice but to get the tenis.

Me: tell you get the earrings, you don’t want! They are lovely AND within budget.

R: cannot lar, I cant give earrings again. there were 72 diamonds & it works out to be abt $26 per diamond… I need to take off at least 15 to squeeze into budget! how many do you think I can take off?

Me: I think each diamond is about 2.1mm if I rem correctly *imagining w ruler* … wait! *measure my wrist watch* Think you need at least 14.5cm…

R: what? 2.1mm times 72 makes 15.1cm! *disappointed voice* shucks that means I can only take 5 off at most! nevermind, ill go measure her wrist to confirm...

Me: how are you going to do it discreetly?

R: ive got it all planned. Ill use dental floss to measure when she is asleep... heh heh

Me: you win. Good luck!

See. the obstinate romantic but insistently frugal friend. Hope she turned out very happy!!!

My take

Okay i admit i quite like diamonds, especially after learning more these 2 wks. they are pretty, exquisite & make a girl feel very special to be given, to wear them. there’s also lots to learn in the world of diamonds – what is good quality, what should one compromise on & not, what cuts there are, what should you get given your budget, the variety of settings/cuts that could affect the brilliance, etc – its almost an art to pick the right piece to invest in. think of it as a girl’s version of the car/wine/gadget obsession. there are different pieces (models/vintage) with diff specs & it takes a keen eye to find a worthwhile piece for investment. an investment that has to take into account besides value & durability, softer aspects as well of design & suitability. [guys who have had to pick a piece would know the considerations involved!]

I think its okay for a lady to have a few basic pieces, which should take her through all occasions from work events to day & night functions. by basic I mean a good pair of studs, an everyday wearable pendant & eventually a well-set ring. or two ;)

Personally i think they are a better investment than clothes or bags cos they last way longer & they can actually serve as eventual heirlooms (shd you marry & have kids). But of cos as we know, they still don’t figure much in the big scheme of things cos even diamonds (as much as debeers would have us believe) will pass away one day :)

Also, it definitely classifies as an ostentatious, luxury good. no amount of justification would make it a necessity! and as with all material things, its much better to not even get involved. more self-control is needed to avoid indulgence when in the know than when one is ignorant of it all (somehow the 50% discount signs at sookee call out louder when you’ve gotten a diamond or two). so yes, steer away from the tiffanys, cartiers & leehwas if you’re still a diamond virgin! If you arent, don’t fear – you can still be a reformed, self-controlled diamond appreciator… like me. heh heh thankfully, im enlightened but not obsessed.

Its also not a right, nor sth we shd demand or guilt-trip our husbands/bfs into getting. Afterall there are better & more impt ways to spend God’s money (even the excess bits) than on ourselves.

End of the day, despite our weakness for all things feminine & pretty, I like to believe we woman folk aren’t that superficial. Its easier to shower a girl with diamonds than it is to serve, love & stay committed to her for the rest of your life. Yes, we won't quibble with the occasional token (just as you’d be delighted if your wife wld buy you the idontknow, new plasma tv?) but what does a girl really want? She wants YOU (besides Jesus lar) to be her earthly best friend.

As Alicia Keys puts it:

Some people want diamond rings

Some just want everything

But everything means nothing

If I ain’t got you

Your devotion to her, expressed in your devotion to God & in cherishing her every moment that you’re with her - for me, that beats the tenis bracelet anyday :)

inconvenient love

God’s teaching me new lessons on love.

First Chris’ sermon a fortnight ago highlighted how true generosity isn’t that which comes out of abundance, excess. But rather one that gives even in amidst poverty, personal need. Helpful passages that bring home the point about true giving – the poor woman giving what little she had (Mark 12:41-43) and the example of the Macedonian church who gave beyond their ability!

And now, brothers, we want you to know about the grace that God has given the Macedonian churches. Out of the most severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity. For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability. Entirely on their own, they urgently pleaded with us for the privilege of sharing in this service to the saints. And they did not do as we expected, but they gave themselves first to the Lord and then to us in keeping with God's will. 2 Corin 8:1-5

That struck me hard as I reflected upon my own giving… having been blessed with much, I’m not in the habit of giving, as it were, till it hurts. I give out of convenience, after all that I need & want are accounted for. I give rather selfishly.

Separately, something happened which brought up rather dormant hurts. Somehow the incident made me realise I hadn’t really forgiven the person. Resentful, bitter feelings laid buried beneath – hurt associated with abandonment. Felt she loved only when it was convenient to her, when it was easy. When push came to shove, she didn’t really care & placed her priorities above me. I resented the conditional love.

But God did a homerun with this, full circle. He made me realise last night how I too, have been showing conditional, convenient love to the people around, especially those dearest to me. What a rebuke! Inconvenient love means putting the other persons’ needs first. This is tough. It means I make time for people when they need me most, even when im tired or prefer to be elsewhere. It means I go the distance to encourage, to bring the practical help even when it inconveniences me, not only when im free or in the area. It means i reach out to people that im not naturally inclined to, make the effort to build these rships. It also means im open to giving financially, emotionally where there is need, to the point where it eats into my comfort zone, possibly till it hurts.

He is teaching me that real love is inconvenient, uncomfortable even. It is demanding & totally other people-centred. Its also love demonstrated not for my own pride, glory… but His alone.

im kinda stumped right now - realised ive got miles to go in this area.

What about you? Do you love inconveniently?

Thank you Lord for the hard rebuke, for opening up my eyes to my selfishness. Teach me to love inconveniently. May the people around be patient with me as I change. For Your glory alone, Amen.

christ hack - accountability

christ hacks has its own site now. original entry, along with other hacks can be found here :)

contentment & gifts

sry for lousy previous entry. sorted some stuff out & the wkend was awesome so im back to happy dandy, lets press on mood! as some of you wld know (so delighted ive been telling everyone in sight), i managed to catch Stacey Kent afterall (various attempts previously flopped) and free at that! whats more, we were seated 3rd row from the front – talk about value :p Thanks Chelsia!!

it was a wonderful performance as expected – she had a sweet, lovely voice & a likable personality to boot. some personal faves – bewitched, bothered & bewildered, boy next door & you’ve got a friend.

in the face of great talent, im always in awe - the gorgeous singer, the amazing musician, an insightful artist, a keen photographer, the graceful dancer, a witty blogger, a brilliant chef, etc. besides appreciating & loving every moment of the experience, i almost always wish i could be as gifted, to sing as well, play or write as poetically or dance as beautifully. i wonder if its an innate desire to be revered (horrible sinful nature) or its cos i want so much to be a part of the beauty, the art, believing the best experience of it would only come from being integral in the performance itself. if im honest about it, its got to be abit of both. ive since concluded that not everyone is as talented cos then there is more beauty, preciousness in the talent that exist around us. those who cant act, appreciate those who can! those who cant dance, admire those who can! we all have a role to play in the great tapestry of life & beauty :)

this ties to my main point (gasp! not yet main pt?!) the lesson on contentment has been building up lately & it kinda climaxed with Chris' sermon yesterday. though the sermon touched mainly on materialism, being contented & responsibly handling the material blessings God has given us, think God reminded me contentment also applies to other things closer to heart. one of which being contentment with the talents that He's given me.

its a tough ball this one. cos inadvertently i admire & hold in higher esteem some gifts over others. like i think some gifts are just more useful than others (which we know isn't true cos all play diff roles but all are valuable in the Body of Christ, 1 Corin 12). at the heart of it, i just really want to be useful to the Body, to add value (corporate term lar) as it were to others' lives, to be of service, to help them see Jesus more, etc. so i look over my shoulder & admire the gifts that others have & wonder if mine are as useful or good as theirs. stupid rite? yah lor thats why God reminded me again i shouldn't be comparing anything – not bags, clothes, looks, status & definitely not talents. He has made me who I am & being dissatisfied with that is ungodly, immature & does not reflect His goodness, glory as sovereign Maker of all.

realising our value in Him & believing that His plan (which includes who we are, what we are) is perfect is quite liberating & encouraging. hope this truth stays with me throughout this journey!

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postscript: the shadow's (latest) entry seem an apt response to my musing above. artistic expression isnt that essential for us as servants of the gospel... nice perspective.

awful annoyance

argh. there are moments in a day where i wish i didnt have to deal with anyone. really. esp naggy, unreasonable, utterly annoying vendors/colleagues.

i feel annoyed at them and at myself at the same time. feel really urked that she was rude & being a pain. classic case of two selfish, proud persons both unwillingly to step back, be gracious.

but more than annoyance with her, i feel disappointed & disgusted w myself. i hang up & feel awful for not being patient, for being curt, for not giving in more. its like ive all these opportunities to be kind, exercise self-control, demonstrate patience & i flop more times than grace wins.

i hate being this ugly. this fleshly, sinful nature is such a drag sometimes. i just wanna go home & curl up in bed :(

i feel like a little girl

trying to conquer the whole wide world

everybody wants a piece of me

i just dont know where to turn

ive got work piled up to my head

all i want to do is jump into bed

and wash away my troubles with lemonade

play hide & seek w the boy next door...

all i need is a good disguise

something nobody can recognise

that im feeling so small

all i need is a secret weapon

ive got to have faith

zapping monsters into outerspace...

little superhero girl

save me from myself

bits of 'little superhero girl' by corrinne may

live to the hilt

one of my fave quotes by jim elliot - needful reminder on contentment:

wherever you are, be ALL there. live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God.

recurring theme today:

Wait for the LORD
Be strong and take heart...

and wait for the LORD.

psalm 27:14

Be still before the LORD and

wait patiently for him

Do not fret when men succeed in their ways
When they carry out their wicked schemes.

Refrain from anger and turn from wrath

Do not fret—it leads only to evil.

psalm 37:7-8

thanksgiving monday

im a very happy (tho very tired, muted) girl for 2 reasons which ive got to share & give thanks.

happy sunny sunday

firstly, the dreadful event that ive been working towards for wks is FINALLY OVER! as some of you wld know, ive been stressed to zits for this esp in the last 2 wks. thankful for everything – the weather (that it held out), the great great band (thanks SO much, Brandon – the music was awesome), the crowd (they actually came!) & for everything that went according to plan. thanks for praying guys & for your msgs :) so sweet you are.

now just looking forward to a day off tom – ive got it all planned already hee.

daddy

second thanksgiving is much more significant. daddy came with me to ARPC yesterday & i was very glad he did. even tho my dad goes to church (the other one that i grew up in) almost regularly, i often worry about his spiritual wellbeing and at points even wonder/fear that he may not understand the gospel, believe it & consequently, isn’t saved. this fear grips, hits me in waves ever since i was in JC, i think… and at times can be really heartbreaking. anyhow ive been raving now & then about ARPC to daddy & we’ve been saying that he should come check it out. by some spontaneous chain of events, the chance came & he joined me for the first time yesterday.

so we were sitting at service & amazingly, the songs weren't the unfamiliar ARPC types (which ive personally grown to love lar) but old faves that my dad could relate & sing to (comeon, how OFTEN do we sing from the rising of the sun with actions noless or I stand in awe at ARPC?) – yippees! what's more it was baptism & confirmation wk (which I had no idea beforehand) so daddy got to witness all the definitive stuff abt baptism, covenant, salvation, etc, witness Pastor Chris’ prayers for the people being baptised which personally, i felt were very moving & inspiring.

what's even more amazing was the aptness of the message preached (wicked vs righteous – which side do you belong?) & that my dad actually paid attention the whole time. when Chris started to preach, i was worriedly praying that daddy would be open & stay focused through the whole message (he doesn't usu have long concentration span, at least not through most sermons). so it was a real joy & encouragement to hear him laughing at Chris' jokes & nodding some, right through to the end. God actually made him pay attention & agree – how cool is that?

next step - hook him up with golden group. heh, okay half joking. maybe coming regularly wld already be good.

God also rebuked me in my heart for not being faithful in praying for daddy, for harbouring feel-like-giving-up thoughts. He reminded me i shd persevere in faithful prayer for him for the rest of his life, even when it seems futile. so that's what i want to try & do.

i thank God for His timing, His mysterious ways. ways that are so far above ours & beyond our imagination… most of all, for His lovingkindness to me & my dad in preserving us thus far. as the sermon taught, we really need to remember the past in order to press on in the present.

keep me Lord, remembering Your goodness all the days of my life.

sentimental hoarder

its been a rather fruitful national day - i finally got around to clearing out my wardrobe & ridding of unwanted clothes & stuff. its a long overdue task & daddy made me promise since 2 wks back to make gd use of the PH... being mentally prepared in advance helps i guess. im not a procrastinator on most things but ive to admit that getting to this took a loooooong while ;) in the process, i realised 2 things (i know to some im stating the obvious but hey everyone struggles with denial - its better for them to come ard at their own pace :P) 1. ive got way too much clothes. 2. im a hoarder. like big-time, mega, sentimental, cant-let-go-even-if-its-junk hoarder. as i embarked on the dreadful task, i realised i had clothes from waaaay back - like since i was 13!! can you believe that? its crazy cos i forgot how darn skinny i used to be. like seriously the size 2 & 4 pants are puny, its a wonder they ever fit! i probably never had a butt & was all skin & bones, like a completely different (mini) me. of cos that also means ive upsized over the past 10 years which is cool cos i mean they arent called "growing up years" for ntg rite? hahaha. i just got to stop upsizing since the phase shd be officially over by now :) disclaimer: i have done these clearouts before lar, this is NOT the first time since i was 13 but i never got rid of 100% of the sec sch clothes... they are rid off in phases almost cos of my weird streak to wanna leave abit of each phase around. i dont know why - so i wont forget? so i can look through & feel nostalgic? beats me but im starting to be more practical abt it. check out the stack of i removed from my stockpile - shd be proud of me, hehe: as i was clearing i also stumbled upon an old box of cards/notes & some envelopes. lo & behold, i found stuff from my o levels F&N exams! for the uninitiated, F&N = Food & Nutrition, yes they actually offer that as an o level subject, and yours truly actually took the exam. anyhow, i was thoroughly amused at the trouble i went to to prep for the practical! check out these recipe cards - i had detailed instructions for each of the 8-10 dishes required for the exam. if i rem correctly, i had to accomplish them all in 2.5hrs. madness. there were even dish descriptions stating their nutritional value, blahblah. dont ask me now, i cant rem peanuts :P i also drafted the layout of my serving table! hahahah what an eager beaver 16yr old i was hahaha. then again, i really had an affinty (& in a way still do lar) for table placements & matching colours of plates, tablecloth, napkins, etc. quite fun actually :) the nicest part was reading through a shoebox full of old old notes. i never realised i had so many notes from pple that i dont even consider close now. like i totally forgot i actually corresponded via good ol snail mail with a friend when he first went overseas or received soooo many cards from that JC friend (which i kinda miss now & wonder what he's up to) or that my friend's mom actually wrote me a thank you note for being there for her daughter. and finding old notes from good gfs really brought back girly happy memories - we were so much more innocent, simple even... letters on magazines, free cK postcards, handmade cards - you know how teenagers are ;) i also forgot how supportive my churchmates were - they really showered me with many cards during my exams. sweetness. even the notes from ex-es were funny to read esp from the 1st one. dont believe we were so childish & silly. hehehe. one bday, i got the exact SAME card from my dad & then bf. i dont know if its cos they really meant the words on it or cos it was selling mass at all convenient bookstores near them :) told Eels all about my shoebox treasure find & she was amused at my amusement. and she is right - im actually a rather forgetful person... many things that i mentioned, she remembered whilst i almost completely forgot! maybe thats why i subconsciously wanna keep this stuff around as pieces of the past to aid my poor memory... you know how i said im a hoarder? well, i dont just have 1 or 2 of these shoeboxes. i have at least 4-5 of them. yes, THAT many. how? i cant bear to throw those notes :( i mean pple actually took time to write them (altho im sure they dont even rem any of it) & they hold precious meaning, shaped me growing up. sigh, ill just keep them ard till the next clearout. maybe ill outgrow them someday. last thought - its funny but we seldom write notes these days, do we? is it an age thing (older pple dont write to each other as much as youthful, expressive teens) or is it a technology/era thing (emails/sms quicker vs handwritten keepsakes)? altho email correspondence can be sincere & engaging too, i personally still love to write & receive hardcopy, handwritten messages. tho it takes discipline to put pen to paper, i always feel its a nice encouragement to the recipient. it shows you took the time & effort to pick out the nice card, to write, to mail it... esp for friends away from home. i dont do it as often as i used to so this cld be a gd point to start again :) and oh yah, a totally irrelevant point but well - happy national day, singapore! :)

be still my heart

(yet another) song of the week! this is so on repeat mode on my pod ;)

cant be as indifferent as she is but this song's quite wise... you think?

My heart is not lonely or broken
It's not of ice or of gold
Nor has my heart ever spoken
To me when a love has grown cold

I felt not the faintest flutter
When you brushed my cheek as you passed
Nor will I willingly clutter
My life with these thing that don't last

[chorus]
Be still my heart
My heart be still
Be still my heart
My heart be still

If our eyes should meet then so be it
No need to trouble the heart
That is hidden where no one can free it
Only to tear it apart

Be still my heart
My heart be still
Be still my heart
My heart be still
Beware, beware (be still my heart)
to care, to care (be still my heart)

My heart
Be still my heart
My heart be still
Be still my heart

be still my heart by silje nergaard

whimsical willy wonka

just watched charlie & the choc factory & it was fab! loved the original roald dahl book & was kinda iffy abt a movie version of it but im glad i was proved wrong. tim burton, johnny depp & rest of cast brought out the story incredibly well. childlike & whimsically cute... brought back memories of when i first read it - felt like a kid all over again! :) weblink here its a really cool story actually... never realised how deep the characterizations went. [then again, i was a kid when i read it & not a very astute one at that :P] like each child, parent represented an ugly side of human nature - competitiveness, self-centredness, greed, anger, stubbornness, etc. all juxtaposed against charlie & his family who typify kindness, love, perseverance, gentleness & other prized values. the story also exalts family ties & contentment very strongly. its so shoulder-scrunchingly heartwarming :):) thought the beginning of the story was esp poignant &... reminded me abit of the er-hem, predestination tale. check this out [heh, once again reproduced shoddily from memory]: there was nothing special about Charlie. he was neither taller nor shorter, nor smarter nor braver nor better than any other boy. yet Charlie Bucket was the luckiest boy in the world. he just didn’t know it yet… its like God looking at me & thinking: there is nothing at all special about pearlyn. she’s neither lovelier nor brighter nor kinder nor sweeter than any other person. yet she is one of the luckiest girls in the world. and the best part is He isn’t done with her yet - her story is just, still unraveling… aww, thinking that just puts a smile on my face :) if you know Jesus, it should put one on yours too. okok, i know you must be thinking - why this girl must tie everything back to bible/God wan. no lar, just a thought that struck me what & i was quite touched relating to charlie's story that way :)

lessons on faithfulness part II

the sharing continues...

ii. Marrying daughters of foreign gods

God did not want the Israelites to marry daughters of foreign gods [people of different beliefs NOT different races. Interracial marriages are fine between Christians] for 2 reasons:

i. Israelites would be led away from serving God, towards worshipping idols
ii. God wanted godly offspring from their marriages

My thoughts/struggles

The sticky issue of marrying (hence, dating) people of different faiths. Its tough but I think pastor Boon Yong put it rightly & clearly – there really shouldn’t be compromise in this area of our lives. Why marry a man who wont love & lead you the way he is supposed to? Would you want to be in a marriage with a woman who wont submit to you & care for your kids the way she is supposed to? How can you model godliness to your offspring if you & your spouse represent 2 lives, 2 kinds of gods? Can you be certain your faith in God wont be compromised?

If you wont marry a non-believer, its wiser to not even date one. Logic tells us it will only cause more heartache & pain to break-up later. As I always say, pain now is better than excruciating pain later. This sounds harsh but I also know it isn’t easy. I have witnessed at least 2 close gfs who managed to walk out of loving rships with nonC guys. I admire their courage & thank God for convicting & working in their hearts. Its tough cos you walk away from something that feels good, knowing in your head it’s the right thing to do, but not really certain if God will provide someone better. but obedience shouldn’t be conditional, so they do the hard thing.

Having had brushes with the nonC prospect, heres what ive learnt: it hits you when you least expect it, when you are complacent. it seems like madness to walk away from someone you are attracted to, have great chemistry with AND is into you. God, he's such a rare find! we cry. But walking away IS worth it. Risking your relationship with God for some guy/girl isnt. that’s why its impt to have accountability with people you trust. If not for my close gfs [alarm bells were ringing loud & strong!] who reminded me of & reinforced the truth, i might have succumbed to dating someone who doesn’t love God. The experience humbled & continues to enable me to be less self-righteous, more sympathetic toward others who struggle in this area.

End of the day, it takes raw faith to trust that God is good, loves you & will provide for your needs whilst you are here on earth – be it grace to live the godly single life OR a good, godly man/woman to marry. We all have our moments (i definitely have mine!), that’s why we need constant reminders from each other of the truth & encouragement to press on in godliness...

Our Faithfulness, True Worship

Beyond marriage, ive also learnt much about faithfulness & oneness with God. God demanded true worship from the Israelites... think He still expects it of us now. Whether it be in areas of stewardship (money, time – both real struggles for me), service or relationships, God really wants our all & our best. Somedays I think, aiyoh so difficult! It helps then to remember what He has redeemed us from & focus on what we are redeemed for. i love this verses cos it sums up nicely my purpose whilst living in the now but not yet.

For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.

Titus 2:11-14

help me Lord in my areas of weakness... change me in mind, heart & enable me to live as one of Your very own. Amen!

lessons on faithfulness part I

we've been learning alot in the past wk or so about marriage - what it means to God, what it shd mean for us. beyond that, issues on faithfulness, divorce were touched on. some lessons learnt, struggles i face: In Malachi, we see how God was upset with the Israelites for i. breaking faith in their marriages – contravene purpose of marriage/God’s character ii. marrying daughters of foreign gods – direct disobedience to God’s word i. Breaking faith in marriage God is a faithful & promise-keeping God. Marriage is essentially a covenant between 2 people before God to be united as one till death parts them. Hence, breaking faith in marriage defeats the point of the institution & runs contrary to who God is - makes us unlike God, a poor reflection of His character. Marriage is also a model/reflection of God’s love relationship with us, His people. Many times in OT, marriage imageries have been used to describe God’s covenantal relationship with the Israelites. In NT too, the Church has been described as the bride & Jesus, the Bridegroom. The intimacy & sacredness of marriage is paralleled to that of our relationship with Jesus. It is no wonder God takes marriage seriously & consequently explains His displeasure at unfaithfulness & divorce. My thoughts/struggles Through recent discussions in & out of bible study, we all realise staying in a marriage is no easy task. Assuming we won’t back out of it at a whim (hubby doesn’t help hang clothes, he snores in sleep & we don’t agree on names to give our first baby) & are in it for the long haul, there are still difficult situations that people find themselves in. What do we do with the unfaithful wife? What shd one do with an abusive husband? What shd I do if my non-Christian spouse persecutes me for my faith (for someone who converted after marriage)? What shd I do with the unrepentant (adulterous, alcoholic, gambling etc) husband? The theoretical answers are there (even tho there arent blanket ones): Persist in keeping your vows regardless of the difficulties you face, cos God never said marriage was all nice, fun & dandy. The goal of life isn’t happiness, but godliness. In tough times, we should model after Christ/God in His faithfulness (keeping to our vows even when our partner seems to have neglected his/hers), His unconditional love (self-sacrificing, other person-centred), His mercy (forgiving even the worst sins against us). Yet, applying these in reality is painful & trying & wld probably take a lifetime to master… easy to say, hard to do! Its, im sure, a form of suffering - suffering that builds perseverance, character & hope ultimately in Him. In light of this, there are moments i wonder if its worthwhile subjecting myself to the host of problems that married pple could face (aka Paul’s words in 2 Corin). Also, after the sermon last sun, I started to think seriously about whether or not im one who would be able to commit & keep my marital vows (if & when I do make them). Am I a person of my word? Do I keep promises to people, to God? If I cant even keep my word in the little things, how can I be sure I can keep these vows for life? Its one thing to imagine marriage [through rose-tainted glasses] with a great godly guy, eager to love & serve him & your kids. Its another to really live out those promises through times of crises & pain. Fact is, very rarely does one enter marriage with thoughts of breaking up or breaking faith. But real stories of broken marriages, esp Christian ones, show there are no guarantees. Its sad & scary to hear of Christian couples whose marriages are in jeopardy cos of sin & unfaithfulness. Seem like anyone cld fall away, even good, seemingly godly couples. Despite these scary thoughts, i take comfort in 2 things: God’s sovereignty over my life & the testimonies of those that have walked before me. Its encouraging & heart-warming to witness the lives of older couples... We meet them now at a point where they have gone through the worst in their struggles. We admire their love, affection, the familiarity, the easiness, the understanding, the giving. Its mature love - love that has gone through the seasons of life & has come through resilient & strong - no longer fickle, not easily provoked but dependable & sweet. Even in Rev John Ting’s sharing, you get a glimpse that his & Frances’ married life wasn’t always smooth sailing. Despite being a pastor & all, he had issues with depression, anger, etc. No one is perfect, and no marriage will be void of problems. But its comforting to know that people DO emerge from trials whole and there is hope of growth & maturity at the end of it (just cos God is faithful even when we feel we cant be). Younger Rev Ting & wife probably doubted things could get better/change to be as beautiful as it is now. True love is nurtured over life, not overnight. Stuff to rem at points you feel like giving up. you must think im so silly to think so far, esp since im not even married! but i write what ive learnt & think (hopefully) as an encouragement to others & as a reminder to myself… i guess its impt stuff to contemplate prior to marriage too. put things into perspective for us singles – married life isn’t to be trifled with tho it has its joys im sure :)