thanksgiving & random quiz

Hey everyone Thanks for your words of encouragement, sweet messages & in some cases, your company :) It was a tough two weeks & as the last entry revealed, I felt very sucky at some points. BUT things are looking much better. God has kept me through people’s prayers, through the sermons, perspectives that dawned sporadically. I’m still rather weary but I’m going to pen some thanksgiving pts as a reminder of His goodness :) What happened these 2 wks that warmed my heart… - Met up with JC friend that I hadn’t seen in 6-7 years and we managed to catch up & chat just like it was the good ol’ days… really nice & heartwarming. - Having people support me through my struggles. From sms-es, calls, virtual hugs to lunch/dinner dates, chocolates & pple meeting me to hang till 2am - Things improving with my colleague. Seem like we are easing back into friendship zone and I thank God for answering my prayers. - Daddy agreeing to join JFN with me! (me going is kinda an excuse) :) Wld appreciate continued prayers for him to grow in faith & persevere through the 14-wk course. For us to grow closer in the process. - God helping me to surrender my desires to Him… helping me to learn to trust Him fully to provide for all areas of need. - Different friendships that bring joy to me, each in its special way. I treasure the intimate lunch sessions, sharing & praying with Ling. Chats with Eels (all the major long distance phone bills!), Mel & Chelsia always brighten up my day & make the burdens easier to bear... each with unique perspectives. I appreciate Shing for always being there, be it noon or 1am. Siuling for praying for me & telling me so. And other unnamed gems ;) Close (platonic!) guy friends that root for me, that are protective, sweetly insistent on wanting to cheer me up when I’m down. Thanks guys. You all mean a lot to me... my friends rawk big time!! Gonna be a crazy weekend with event tomorrow, retreat over fri & sat, wedding on sat & full full day on sun! but I’m looking forward to leave on mon :) hope I get some rest after running long list of errands… And oh, you guys can try to do this Johari / Nohari thing. Have done for two pple so far… quite insightful to know how others perceive you. Ha. Be nice but be honest :) Johari (good stuff) & Nohari (dark stuff)

take a dip

Its nice sometimes To take a dip Then sink Into that self-pity, languish pool Floating around in helplessness Wastefulness Forlornness Blankness For awhile. Not long enough to drown Or for water to fill your ears Not long enough to lose sensory Or shirk responsibility Just long enough to feel numb And ironically rest. Then you stretch those arms And paddle to the surface Emerge and Gasp For air. You cough & blink away The water Open your eyes Smooth your wet hair Step up, pause – Then get out of there.

nothing can i boast in

[paddychicken - i know its verse, but read on. there's more] At God’s perfect timing Christ died for fallen men He wore a crown of thorns Nails driven through His hands Christ willingly endured it To death He chose to go He broke His body for us Shed blood to make us whole Nothing can I boast in My life is scarred with sin My works are filthy rags No merit can I bring Yet mercy filled Christ’s heart Love took Him to the tree Its grace alone which saves me Christ’s blood that sets me free So if I am to boast I’ll speak of my disgrace For my weak self displays The power of God’s grace Christ’s spirit works within me In weakness He is strong So I look to my Saviour To safely bring me home Its been a hard week. At work, at home & especially in my inner life. This week I was made acutely aware of my failings. So many of them. My impatience, my selfishness, my lack of grace, my bad stewardship. I realised afresh how darn lousy, rotten & hypocritical I can be at times & that realisation made me disgusted & discouraged. Why can’t I just get things right? How can you call yourself a child of God when you act/think this way? A teeny tiny part of me even started to wonder - maybe im just hopeless, I’ll never change my ways… maybe even God can’t change me? Then on the way home in the car tonight, a dear sister shared songs off a cd. This one played & the words just met me where I was… At God’s perfect timing, Christ died for fallen men Perfect timing conveys precision, plan, purpose. It means He intentioned 400 years to lapse between the time of His last prophet/word to His people and the arrival of Christ. 400 years of silence probably felt long to the Israelites but it was perfect. In the same way, this 2000+ years in the now & not yet isn’t too long or short. Christ will return again at just the right time. It was comforting to be reminded that our Father knows what to do & will not screw up… and that His perfect timing isn’t just demonstrated in mega things like His salvation plan for mankind but also in the miniscule. Like the meanderings & milestones of my life. Nothing can I boast in, my life is scarred with sin My works are filthy rags, no merit can I bring I wanted to cry realising how true these words were. My life IS scarred with sin. Scarred implies disfiguration, being scratched up, damaged… scars are evidence of the cut, wound, stab... Sin has indeed, does indeed leave marks on me. My own sin, others’ mistakes. I’m one blemished kitten. I can't run away from sin's effects on my life. And the futility of my own works, attempts to set things right, to be good, kind, patient… hit me big time. All my resolve, well-meaning intentions to serve, to do, think, say the right, ‘godly’ things don’t always last, don’t always materialise. And they are really pathetic relative to His holiness & perfection. Filthy rags indeed. When you strip it down, I’m helpless & incapable of any real good on my own. How humbling. Which makes the next bit that much more touching, amazing. Yet mercy filled Christ’s heart, love took Him to the tree Its grace alone which saves me… Yet mercy fills His heart. He loves this pathetic kitten so much He did the inconceivable & provided a way out. For me. Nothing I can do can right the wrong… only grace can save. So if I am to boast, I’ll speak of my disgrace For my weak self displays the power of God’s grace Christ’s spirit works within me, in weakness He is strong So I look to my Saviour, to safely bring me home The picture wouldn’t be complete without this. Realising my helplessness alone doesn’t do anything. Realising my helplessness shows His grace & strength means something. It means that my weakness points to His greatness. In my reliance on His grace (not my own feeble attempts at righteousness), the power of His gospel shines all that much greater. What is the gospel good for to the perfect? Nothing. It only works for sinners. Sinners like me. So yes. I’ll look to my Saviour. I’ll boast in my disgrace. I’ll humble myself & realise its okay to be helpless, to keep struggling against sin. It’s the way it should be. I just got to trust that His Spirit is working in me (no matter how unchanged I sometimes feel) and press on. Press on looking to Him to bring me, like no one else can… safely home.